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The other day I was out with Benji, enjoying our time together and working casually on his feelings towards strange dogs that happened to be out too.
We were approached by a man who started asking questions about what I was doing.
His questions led me to feel inadequate and that maybe I am molly coddling my boy.
Don’t get me wrong I love a chat, especially about dogs and their behaviour. But this man’s questions made me question the severity of Benji’s trauma experience.
Was it really that bad? Why is he so triggered by strange dogs? Other dogs have been through worse and coped better…..
And on and on the thoughts went.
See Benji was attacked as a young dog at a park once. He’s a sensitive boy and though this attack did not result in much physical damage, it’s obvious to me that the psychological damage has been long lasting for him. It was a traumatic experience for him.
But for this man the lack of physical injury to Benji equated to the whole incident being “not that big a deal” and he struggled to understand why my dog, at 8 years of age, is still struggling with these issues.
And partly that is my fault, when Benji got attacked I wasn’t a dog trainer. I didn’t know what to do or how to help him. And I struggled for a long time with his response to the incident. I know better now, and work hard to build Benji’s confidence and manage situations so he isn’t being re-triggered.
But I also went home and thought on it.
See I have been through trauma myself, and in comparison to other’s stories, some may hear mine and think “oh that’s not a big deal” but to me it was (and still is). See just because little or no physical damage is done, doesn’t mean no damage is done. Psychological impacts of trauma can be present long after any physical damage has healed.
In fact psychological damage is never truly healed. The individual merely gets better at managing their stress response around their trigger, and through many positive exposures may start to feel differently towards that trigger, but anything closely resembling aspects of the original experience has the potential to bring back that stress response in full force.
Whenever you get frustrated with your dog, repeat this mantra
Ultimately, every individuals’ experience is unique. What one being may easily be able to cope with, another may not, and rather than thinking “they should get over it” or “it’s not a big deal”, stop and consider that no matter the experience, the feelings and responses to that experience are valid, whatever they may be.
And instead of butting heads with your dog thinking they should “just get over it” or “can’t they see it’s no big deal” remember that to them it is a big deal. We don’t get to decide that for them. Training is a journey, and sometimes healing is a part of that journey.
This is a reminder to be the support network your dog needs when things get tough for them.